Introduction
Every Thanksgiving dinner starts the same way: family, awkward conversations, and a silent judgment of Aunt Mildred’s questionable centerpiece. But let’s be honest, the real drama unfolds around the food. Will the turkey be dry? Will the stuffing be soggy? And, the question that divides families more than politics: Does canned cranberry sauce deserve a place on the table?
This Thanksgiving, we’re diving headfirst into the culinary chaos and settling the score once and for all. We’re talking about a Thanksgiving food tier list. For those unfamiliar, tier lists are a fantastic (and often hilarious) way to rank things, and trust me, nothing is more deserving of ranking than the glorious spread of Thanksgiving dishes.
Our mission is simple: to definitively rank the most iconic Thanksgiving foods, judging them on overall deliciousness, cultural impact, and the sheer joy (or utter despair) they bring to the table. Think of it as a Thanksgiving food olympics, with each dish vying for a spot on the podium.
Now, a crucial disclaimer before we begin: Taste is subjective. What one person considers a Thanksgiving masterpiece, another might deem a culinary catastrophe. This list is designed to be lighthearted and spark conversation (and maybe a few friendly arguments). If you disagree with our rankings, that’s perfectly fine…but deep down, you’ll know we’re probably right.
Understanding the Thanksgiving Food Hierarchy
Before we unleash the tier list upon the world, let’s clarify what each tier actually represents. This is our culinary kingdom, and these are the laws that govern it.
The God Tier (Thanksgiving MVP)
These are the absolute titans of Thanksgiving. Essential dishes that consistently deliver joy and define the entire holiday. They’re the dishes people dream about all year long. The gravy rivers flow strong in this land.
The Excellent Tier
These dishes are fantastic, well-loved, and serious contenders for Thanksgiving supremacy. They’re the reliable crowd-pleasers that elevate the meal from good to great. These are the dishes you sneak extra helpings of when no one is looking.
The Good Tier
Solid, enjoyable, and a welcome addition to the Thanksgiving feast. They’re the reliable team players that contribute without necessarily stealing the spotlight. You’ll happily eat them, but you won’t write home about them.
The Okay Tier (Situational)
These dishes are acceptable, sometimes even enjoyable, but heavily dependent on preparation and personal preference. They might shine in the right context, but they can also be easily replaced without causing too much heartache.
The Disappointing Tier
Generally disliked or underwhelming. These are the dishes that linger on the table, mostly untouched, a silent testament to their uninspired nature. You eat them because you should, not because you want to.
The Thanksgiving Fails (Food Crimes)
Just… no. These dishes have no place on a Thanksgiving table and should be banished to the culinary wilderness. They are an affront to the very spirit of Thanksgiving.
The Thanksgiving Food Tier List: Let the Rankings Begin!
Alright, drumroll please! The moment you’ve all been waiting for. Let’s delve into the heart of the matter and reveal our definitive Thanksgiving food tier list.
The God Tier: Thanksgiving MVP
Mashed Potatoes with Gravy: The undisputed king and queen of Thanksgiving. The creamy, comforting canvas upon which the entire holiday is painted. The mashed potatoes themselves are delightful, but the gravy… the gravy is its soulmate. Rich, savory, and utterly irresistible. The perfect vessel for soaking up all the other delicious flavors on your plate. If Thanksgiving were a religion, mashed potatoes and gravy would be the holy sacrament.
Stuffing/Dressing (Homemade): Whether you call it stuffing or dressing, this is a Thanksgiving essential. When homemade, the combination of bread, herbs, vegetables, and spices creates a symphony of flavor that is simply divine. It soaks up all the delicious turkey juices and provides a satisfying contrast to the richness of the other dishes. It is the backbone, the heart, and soul of Thanksgiving.
The Excellent Tier
Roasted Turkey (Properly Cooked): The centerpiece of the Thanksgiving table! A majestic bird, golden brown and perfectly roasted. But let’s be honest, the margin for error is high. Dry turkey is a Thanksgiving tragedy. When done right, it’s a masterpiece. When done wrong, it’s a culinary crime.
Pumpkin Pie: What Thanksgiving is complete without a slice of pumpkin pie? The smooth, spiced custard filling and flaky crust are a classic combination that embodies the flavors of the season. A perfect ending to a perfect meal and a Thanksgiving tradition.
Dinner Rolls (Warm and Buttery): Soft, fluffy, and bathed in butter. These little carb bombs are the perfect accompaniment to any Thanksgiving dish. They’re great for soaking up gravy, making mini turkey sandwiches, or simply enjoying on their own. It’s the small comforts that can make the whole experience complete.
The Good Tier
Green Bean Casserole: A Thanksgiving staple for many families. The creamy mushroom soup, crispy fried onions, and tender green beans create a surprisingly satisfying dish. It might not be the most sophisticated dish on the table, but it’s a crowd-pleaser that is hard to resist. The guilty pleasure we cannot live without!
Sweet Potato Casserole (Without Marshmallows): When prepared without the marshmallow abomination, sweet potato casserole can be a delicious and nutritious side dish. The natural sweetness of the sweet potatoes pairs perfectly with warm spices like cinnamon and nutmeg. A good, honest dish, untainted by sugary excess.
Cornbread: Especially the Southern Style that is made with buttermilk! A hearty, crumbly delight. Perfect for soaking up gravy or enjoying with a pat of butter.
The Okay Tier (Situational)
Canned Cranberry Sauce: It jiggles. It’s vaguely tart. It’s… there. Mostly untouched. But it’s tradition! It adds a splash of color to the plate and a bit of contrasting flavor. But let’s be real, it’s mostly there for the sake of nostalgia.
Pecan Pie: Deliciously rich and nutty, but also incredibly sweet. A small slice is satisfying, but anything more can be overwhelming. It’s a dessert that demands moderation, which can be a challenge on Thanksgiving.
Brussels Sprouts (Roasted with Bacon): Brussels sprouts have made a comeback in recent years, and when roasted with bacon, they can be quite tasty. The bitterness of the sprouts is balanced by the saltiness and smokiness of the bacon. But let’s be honest, it’s still Brussels sprouts.
The Disappointing Tier
Dry Turkey: A Thanksgiving tragedy! There’s nothing more disappointing than biting into a piece of turkey that is as dry as the Sahara Desert. It’s a waste of a perfectly good bird and a testament to culinary incompetence.
Overcooked Green Beans: Soggy, lifeless, and lacking any flavor. They sit in a bowl, uneaten, mocking you with their sad existence. A vegetable that has lost all hope.
Store Bought Gravy: If you are going to spend hours laboring over the rest of the meal, is it too much to ask that you make your own gravy? Nothing from a jar can compare to the real deal.
The Thanksgiving Fails (Food Crimes)
Tofurkey: Bless your heart. Just… no. This is a betrayal of the Thanksgiving spirit.
Sweet Potato Casserole (With Marshmallows): Sweet potatoes are delicious. Marshmallows are delicious. Together? An abomination. It’s like a dessert pretending to be a side dish. A sugary, sticky mess that has no place on a Thanksgiving table. Burn it.
Fruitcake: Let’s be honest. Does anyone actually like fruitcake? It’s dense, dry, and filled with questionable candied fruit. It’s a Thanksgiving tradition that needs to die.
The Great Thanksgiving Food Debates
Of course, no Thanksgiving food tier list would be complete without acknowledging the dishes that ignite the most passionate debates. These are the foods that divide families and friendships.
Stuffing with Raisins: Are raisins a welcome addition to stuffing, or a culinary crime? Some argue that they add a touch of sweetness and chewiness, while others believe they ruin the savory flavor of the dish.
Canned Cranberry Sauce vs. Homemade Cranberry Sauce: The age-old question. Canned cranberry sauce is convenient and nostalgic, but homemade cranberry sauce offers a fresher, more complex flavor. Which side are you on?
Sweet Potato Casserole: Marshmallows or Pecan Streusel? The ultimate sweet potato casserole showdown. Do you prefer the sugary sweetness of marshmallows, or the nutty crunch of a pecan streusel topping?
Conclusion: A Celebration of Culinary Chaos
So, there you have it: our definitive Thanksgiving food tier list. A celebration of culinary chaos and a testament to the deliciousness (and occasional horror) that Thanksgiving has to offer.
Remember, this list is all in good fun. The most important thing is to enjoy the holiday with loved ones and to be grateful for the food on your table (even if it includes canned cranberry sauce).
What does your Thanksgiving tier list look like? Do you agree with our rankings? Let us know in the comments below!
No matter what’s on your tier list, we hope you have a happy and delicious Thanksgiving. May your gravy be plentiful, your turkey be moist, and your family arguments be minimal! Happy Thanksgiving!
